Zombie Warning

Zombies in Plain English

Notes
Lee LeFever
Sachi LeFever
11:10
10/15/09
Classroom

Watch your back this Halloween season. This is the warning given by Lee LivingDead LeFever of the Common Craft show. There may be danger lurking where you'd never guess and there is a high forecast for zombies this year. Zombies are creatures that go for the brain and are not to be underestimated.

First, be aware of your surroundings and don't trust anyone. These brain obsessed monsters could even be a friend, relative, or neighbor. "Your brain is what they go for" he explains and do not underestimate their speed!

You'll need to identify them and this can be done by looking for dark eyes, pale skin, limp legs, or grabbing arms. When a zombie is spotted there is only one place to go: the local Costco. "Why the Costco?" you may ask. Because no escape is complete without rations (and advertising for Costco doesn't hurt either).

Once the rations have been purchased, head for the hills! Literally going to a higher altitude is actually a safe decision. In cold weather a zombie's body will slow down and become brittle. It's just the thing you'll need for a life saving escape.

LeFever also suggests a body of water as a good hideaway because zombies cannot swim. Cruises are a comfortable accommodation and searching the internet may provide an inexpensive ticket. These prices might also go down if purchased last minute and minutes are all you've got.

If you choose to take the cruise ship route, be sure to end at a cold environment. The Alaskan cruise is a good choice. LeFever cautions that Zombies have been spotted in British Columbia and are moving south at a fast pace. Before the line was cut with LeFever, he gave specific instructions for stopping the creatures. "The idea is: kill the brain, stop the zombie." If your own friend has a zombie bite, they are not your friend anymore. It is important to save your own brain. Kill theirs first. LeFever suggests using a machete, axe, or chainsaw.

The advice of LeFever will hopefully live longer than he. It has just been confirmed that he has also been victim to a zombie attack. Take his advise and run with it. More information can be found at www.commoncraft.com.